Here are some typical distorted thoughts with which we lie to ourselves and suggestions for strong self-esteem building self-talk to combat them:
1. Instead of, “I’m afraid of being alone.”: Tell yourself, “I am not alone. I’m with Me. I am good company. If I get lonely, I can check out meetup.com or connect with friends I haven’t seen in ages. Most importantly, this time is an opportunity to dive into the world of Me and, for a change, listen to my heart first rather than someone else’s!”
2. Instead of, “But the sex is so good!”: Tell yourself, “Sweetie, it’s time to grow up. The toxic effect he has on my self-esteem when we’re not in bed is not worth the price. If I am that horny, I might just explore the exotic, erotic world of self-stimulation. A lot of people say their best orgasms are experienced alone!”
3. Instead of, “I’ve invested five years in this guy….I’m going to start all over now?”: Tell yourself, “Imagine yourself at 50 and you’re thinking, ‘Why didn’t I get out when I had spent only five years with this jerk instead of twenty-five!?'”
4. Instead of, “He says all he needs is some time to [fill in the blank] before he can make a commitment.”: Tell yourself, “What is this? A relationship or a lay-away program? In the service of self-respect I will not wait for you unless we have a mutually agreed up, reasonable plan. Without that, you can look me up when you are done crossing all your t’s and dotting all your i’s. You take your chances that, by then, I will still be interested.”
5. Instead of, “He’s as good as it gets.”: Tell yourself, “No, Baby, he’s not. If being with him does not make me feel great about myself, I won’t settle! This experience, as bad as it was, has not been a total waste. It’s made me wiser,, so that when a guy who is true and kind and worthy of me does show up, I will recognize him.”
I’ve counseled a lot of women who came to me to help them get unstuck from a hurtful relationship. Once they took the leap and faced their fears, they find the power to break up a bad relationship for good.
The result? A whole new level of happiness and pride because the engine of their self-worth is fueled, not from the outside-in, but from the inside-out. I hope this help.. Billy