5 Ways To Get More Intimacy In Your Relationships ~ Billy Caputo
A relationship is not close if you can’t bring your emotions to the table and feel relief and comfort through your partner, friends or family, and if they can’t do the same in your presence. Here are 5 ways to start:
3. Give Up Control (at least sometimes): If you always have your guard up and never allow yourself to be vulnerable, others around you can’t get close to you. If you constantly have the plan, make the plan and don’t accept the influence of others, then people feel like your assistant or employee. Treating others as employees and assistants robs you of the experience of feeling you can safely depend on someone. If you never give up control, you never come to see how good it feels to let go and to know someone else has your back.
4. Listen, Without an Agenda: When your spouse, close friend or teenager tells you about their difficult day—don’t chronically offer advice and counsel. We as human beings are sorely in need of listeners—people who demonstrate their interest and care merely by listening without instruction, guidance and control. Feeling someone’s warm presence and supportive commentary allows us to open up without fear of having done something wrong or having to do something differently. The more you provide a kind ear, the more others will want to be around you and open up to you.
5. Do What You Say You’re Going To Do: For others to trust you and feel safe emotionally, you need to do what you say you’re going to do. If you show love and care in one instance and then in the next don’t show up at all or cancel a plan, others come to see you as unreliable. Unreliability is a cancer to intimacy. People can’t be deeply open and close with someone they can’t trust to show up when it counts. If you say you are going to do something or make a plan or commitment, be sure to keep it and notice if others are doing the same for you.